A list of memorable or entertaining quotes by TJ Kirk.
Choose ideas over ideology. Ideas can change quickly and adapt, ideology is slow and cumbersome, unadaptable, uncompromising.
Here's my prediction, this tax cut is gonna go really well at first. People are gonna like it. Businesses will like it. Might even help Trump's popularity a bit. Then in about three to six years the other shoe's gonna drop, the bubble's gonna bust, the illusions are going to shatter and everyone's going to go into panic mode. All the Republicans will be scrambling to figure out how to blame it on Obama somehow.
I didn't know fucking [David Hasselhoff] was a Manson fan. That's got to be one of the most amazing and badass facts I've ever encountered in my life. I totally want him to do a duet with Marilyn as Marilyn Mansselhoff now and I know the exact song, it's gotta be "Sonny & Cher - I Got You Babe". But if that doesn't happen? Then there is no justice in this world. That's my new mission in life. To make this shit go down. " Marilyn Mansselhoff- I Got You Babe", coming soon to a YouTube near you. Go harass Marilyn Manson. Go harass David Hasselhoff. Make this shit happen NOW!
Today's episode of Triggered is brought to you by... your mom's fat ass. No point in talking about it because everyone's already taken a ride? You know what I'm saying?
The tale of this election is not the tale of Trump's ascendancy, the tale of this election is a tale of Hillary Clinton's corruption and ineptitude and it's a tale of liberals who have lost their way and have forgotten the root word from which liberal is derived is the Latin word liber, which means free.
They told me I have a million subs and I'm like that's awesome. A million sexual submissives to bow to my will and be my sex slaves and they're like, no not that kind of subs. I'm like oh, a million sandwiches for me to eat and get even fatter and they're like no, not that kind of sub either. We're talking about YouTube subscribers.
You know, probably one of the proudest moments of my life was when I convinced a class of Louisiana hicks not to be against flag-burning. The teacher said flag-burning should be illegal, it's one of the worst things ever. I stood up, I argued with the bitch and I won. And the evidence I won is that I changed everyone's mind.
A punch from a fucking weak-ass old man. That's a scary thought, yeah. I'd tell the Pope to his face. I'd be like, your mom's a fucking cunt! Punch me! Ouch!
The message that is sent to you if you drive across America is that you need to be sucking God's dick. That's what you have to do. You have to suck God's dick!
Maybe some of the things I say I have doubts about, but I don't show you the doubt. I only show you the swaggering confident "That's the way it is!" but deep down I might be thinking "Is that really how it is, or is that just how I think it is?"
What is this dichotomy where there is a line in the sand? There is dick on one side and on the other side there's America. "If you love America, you can't love dick and if you love dick, you can't love America. Unless you're a woman.
Does anyone actually like the gecko from the Geico commercials? It seems like he's been around for quite a while and uh the whole time frankly I've just wanted to smash him with a big rock.
I think Mitt Romney is the sort of guy who, if your child died, would comfort you by approaching you and saying...
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that America is not even a real country, but a satire of a country that other countries watch to, you know, feel better about themselves.
I don't know if there is a purpose to all art. I think every individual piece of art has it's own little purpose that we can argue about. That goes for contemporary, popular art, it goes for old art, it goes for art very few people know about.
I hate spaghetti. I hate it! [Scotty]'s wasting kinetic energy making spaghetti. It's not even worth your fucking effort! So fucking terrible. I hate spaghetti, I hate it, I hate it, I hate, I hate, I hate it, I hate it. I hate spaghetti. I don't like it.
Power. Human beings are obsessed with power, with status. They have entire books devoted to acquiring more power, acquiring more money, acquiring more wealth. What does it really mean?
But I'm banned from this site because I uh, I explained to an anti-porn feminist why anti-porn feminists are fucking stupid and I don't know if I was banned for ideological reasons, or for reasons of etiquette. Because, I layed out this carefully honed argument against them, and then at the very end of the argument, I called the person I was arguing against a cunt.
As my clownish nature emerged more and more, people began to view me as someone who's funny. And I guess that ever since then I've been trying to refine myself as a comedian and I view myself as a comedian even though I guess people like Richard Coughlin say "Oh, unless you've been on stage you're not a comedian and you have to do crowd by crowd and all that."
Are you tired of your boring old sneakers? Do you struggle to get those laces tied? Tired of spending thousands of dollars on those footpads just to make them comfortable? Only to have your feet still hurt at the end of the day? Presenting... BRICKS! Unlike normal shoes, BRICKS contour to your foot to give you optimal support! It's all part of BRICKS' patented reflex-action technology invented by NASA!
Ladies and gentlemen. I would like to make an announcement. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Everybody love the Blueberry pie. Everybody love the Blueberry pie! Alright!
It was at that point that I said you know what, fuck this Subway! Viva la revolution! I took a big sledgehammer and I smashed the glad display case and I jumped over the counter.